Layers of Self-Acceptance
A humbling awareness
My husband made the comment. "We love and accept you, and always will, as you are."
I immediately began to cry. His words tapped my teeming heart, giving way to the sap of sadness.
At that moment I could feel the only person in the room not accepting me, was me.
Trust me when I tell you I've worked diligently on self-acceptance. Furthermore, to love and accept me.
Still, there are tiny remnants that hang on for dear life. Unknown and unannounced to my consciousness. Until they're met with pure illumination.
They live tucked away in the subtlest ways....
The patterns they're woven round
The beliefs they're imprinted on
The mannerisms I've adapted
These parts are afraid to live a free life.
Free of worry, of what people think.
Free of settling.
Free to not bend to the opinion that contests my own.
Free from struggle with insecurity.
Free to not hide from the embarrassment of my history.
Free of self-doubt.
Free to not deny my truths that may change as quickly as the weather.
Free to not lie to myself about who I truly am. The self beyond my conditioning.
Free to make mistakes.
Free to only take responsibility for what is mine.
Free to be unapologetic.
Breathing all of this out, while holding it tenderly. Knowing it is a layered process of awakening, healing and growing into the self I've always been, only forgotten how to befriend.
My true nature