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Darkened
Since birth, I have been handled
Placed
Told
When to rest, eat, be
Even as an adult I follow the map
The one laid by my upbringing
I have played and experimented
But the deeply worn ruts call me back
Back to my conditioning
I now give myself permission to be
Be with darkness
Purposefully retreat to
Slowed to imperceptible breath

I need this more than I’ve given credit to
Caving is a means of restoration for my being-ness
I feel most myself after resting in the dark
I no longer ignore the primal call for this need
To be tended
The noise of this world drives me to my borders
I pace myself into my stillness
Remembering the sacredness of reconnection
Of the walled allegory
I decorate the rolling structures not with force
Or friction
Simple noticing
Where do I place the next color
Texture
Imprint
Which part of my cavern is asking
For gentle attention
I lay here feeling into
An echoed response
Then, only then, do I add
A new decor
To my heartened cosmology
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