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100,000 beats

They say the human heart beats 100,000 times a day.

That is 100,000 opportunities.

Isn’t that a marvel?

100,000 times to choose

100,000 to amend

100,000 to experience

This morning I observe in between the beats. The sun is playing peek-a-boo with the clouds. The snow isn’t sure it wants to stay, so it breezes through with flurries. The ground is cool enough to hold the flurries until the sun peeks through. The outer nature is a reflection of events taking place within me.

I am ebbing and flowing through many different emotions. Some have a stronger pull than others. Many memories are floating through. I am playing peek-a-boo, with times that have long passed. Yet, the feelings are as fresh as the flurries. Times of a house bustling with littles feet drumming on the wood floors, giggles and squeals as the dogs chase them, they wanted to play, too. They were all having a moment, I the happy spectator. Taking in all of the bliss.

Now the house is creaking and cool. The only drum hums from the furnace. The doors of each room stay shut. Age has quieted the squeals and we are in the turning of a new season.

The littles are now preparing for their next phase of life and growth. The eldest dog is weakening and drools, more than I enjoy. I look at her graying face and thank her for using all of her strength to still stand beside me. So many years of companionship and loyalty. I wonder will she still be here in the fall when her best friend leaves for college.

My eyes dampening at the thought of how many heartbeats we have shared. How these times in our home, and world quicken my breath. I try not to seize up but soften. To keep my heart supple, my eyes open, my gaze long. I want to remember all of the moments between the moments. The ease and the struggle. The raucousness and calm. The newness of life and its inevitable end. There are many beats between these poles of existence. It is in the in-between we learn to deepen.


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